sadly, no progress

September 28th, 2014 by _d2_

real life things have taken a hold of my money, my time, my energy, and my psyche lately so i’ve had no drive to work on any kind of art…

heck, i usually just end up crying after 5 minutes whenever i try to do something artistic, i’m so stressed out. or depressed… or both, haven’t entirely decided yet. sadly the thing which helped give me a new way to see things is also my greatest demon and judging by the state of my headache, it’s been chewing on my head quite hard.

my mom has always told me never tell anyone, keep it hidden away – it will make people hate you… but more and more i’ve been wondering if that’s good advice. afterall, hiding your problems doesn’t solve anything…

and it certainly won’t make this demon go away. somedays i really wish that i had been born with malformed limbs or some other horrible physical problem than the mental ones i’d gotten. at least then people would see that i really am different and might be more accepting of my behaviors. it’s so frustrating and enraging that in such an “advanced” and “educated” society as that in america, people still treat the mentally ill like lepers or witches. hell, some days i feel it might have been better to be a leper…

the truth is, not only do i suffer from “normal” mental issues like depression and anxiety, but i am one of those few lucky people to have depressive type schizoaffective disorder, and was diagnosed with it in my early teens. living my whole life not knowing if what i see is real or not has been a challenge, but it has also given me so many amazing ideas. to be able to see people bones come out, to see faces form in the trunks of trees, or to see the glowing eyes of spirits of the forests in the shadows has never frightened me – but when i can’t make what i’m drawing or sculpting match what i see, i get frustrated. usually at those times, i can feel warm arms embracing me and a voice telling me it will be alright…

but on the downside, my mind is my worst enemy. i constantly wonder if people are talking about me, saying bad things (which usually i feel they should be saying because i have no self-esteem or confidence). when i asked for help on finding a job, all i was told was just go out and talk to people – and i wanted to cry. you may have told me to go walk on the moon, for all the good it will do. i can’t look people in the eye, i worry that they will see inside me, see the darkness inside my soul and run away. when i try to talk to someone i don’t know, i freeze up, the words jumbling inside my head. all the fears just take over and i can start to hear the negative voices rising up and telling me all the things i’m doing wrong and what a horrible person i am…

does it mean i want to be a hermit? absolutely not.

but i think it’s stupid to continue to hide this – i’m sorry mom.

projects update

September 15th, 2014 by _d2_

so, i’ve been working on putting together an online BJD class as my main project, but it’s all super secret so i can’t share pics ~_^

but i’m also working on refinishing kame as part of her overhaul. her legs are nearly done and i’ve already started recoating her in the sandable gesso. but i took some quickie pics of her yesterday when she was all laid out – i can’t wait to have her done closer to my original vision. it also will mean redoing her wig and finally getting the kimono and geta made.

don’t her new hips look great? they move a lot better and the lines of her legs are so much nicer than before.

awwww – i still love her cute little face!

while sanding off the surface stains i decided to weather her turtle shell as well – i really like the worn look for her. of course my iphone had to add it’s own artistic spin to the picture….

and then i’ve been working on misumena as well – her face is nearly done, and i’ve almost got the torso done so i can mold it and start casting in flumo for each of my custom girls.

and then lastly – i had a lump of premier clay left over from the last project so i figured, what the heck, and finally started one of three ideas that i have been DYING to do (no pun intended)

but i want to have a set of 3 bird skull headed dolls – omen (an albatross), plague (a raven/crow), and pestilence (a condor or vulture – haven’t fully decided yet)

these guys will also end up with flumo cast bodies that i want to modify to be more skeletal. the intention was that pestilence would be a boy, plague a girl – but i have no clue on omen. boy or girl? boy or girl? hmmm… who am i kidding, knowing me it’ll end up a girl as well (i seem to always sculpt girls… )

so first up is plague, however at the time i took these pics the head was massively oversized. i’ve since been carving it away and making things more delicate and such and hopefully i’ll have some pics tomorrow of the more proportional head.

as you can see, the beak right now is comically long/large and looks stupid on the body – but i’ve since shortened the beak and carved the details and such. it looks a lot better on the body, but it’s currently in a drying phase so i can’t take pics right now.

the original mock up of the head – very rough.

a little more detail, but still rough and getting surprisingly long/large – i started freaking out at this point…

by itself, the head didn’t look too bad….

and on the body – i was still worried that it would be too large, but since carving it back it looks better… i know, you want to see pics of that before you’d believe me.

sorry for the silence

September 10th, 2014 by _d2_

but i’ve been working on redoing kame’s legs and getting her sanded smooth so i can repaint her. i was really nervous to mod my turtle-spirit, but i’m happy i did it. her legs are so much nicer now and maybe in the future i’ll gather up the strength to go at her arms as well (well, mostly her elbows…. her elbows really bug me now)

and while i’ve been taking pictures all along, i just…. don’t feel like posting them. i guess because i feel like i’ve been running on fumes since sending kirin off to be cast in resin (OMG – still can’t believe that’s really happening! )

oh! and don’t forget, kirin’s preorder is open for 5 more days. i’m hoping maybe when i get back the resin dolls from donn i can try again to see if she’ll be allowed on den of angels – while i’m moving away from a lot of the “company” dolls to focus on my own sculpts, i still enjoy visiting the forum and seeing all the new lovelies. plus, it’s a HUGE international forum and if she got accepted it would really boost my exposure!

i’ve also just about finished up my first batch of eyes (9 pairs) to go up on the etsy shop i started with my mom, and been working on putting together an online class teaching how to make a BJD – if we’re lucky, that’ll be going in january.

but i’ve also been working on my lovely triptych piece – misumena. her name comes from the scientific name for the flower crab spider, which helped inspire her finished look and the word translates to “object of hate” which somehow i think is appropriate for a soul-eating demon creature living in an abandoned gothic church.

and yet, some how i feel she’s part of my night parade so it seems weird to me that she doesn’t have a japanese name (kame, otohime, and amaterasu are also part of my demons and the latter two i really REALLY need to work on) but the name at least looks sort of japanese on paper even though it’s really greek…

so here is her head – it’s funny because looking back, i didn’t really give her much of a face in the drawing -

kirin update

September 3rd, 2014 by _d2_

remember,her ordering info is here

well, not really an update… but i got around to mocking up the normal/natural style face up for kirin.

sadly, it’s on a black and white printed picture of her and not in photoshop because the stupid thing crashed on me… grumble grumble grumble…

anyway, my thought is to use a slightly muted/antique palate of dusty rose, peach, and soft browns. then accent her eyes with some light blue eye shadow and either grey or brown eyebrows – i want something to go with the white wig, but will also work with other colors too…

her body blushing will be done in same tones and mostly accenting the normal shadows of the body – in case you didn’t realize, kirin doesn’t have any finger or toe nails so no manicures ^^;;;;;

i’m still working on the fantasy style – i’m thinking something based off of japanese demons in the old ukiyo-e, which was influenced by kabuki actors of the time.

official KIRIN preorder ^^

September 1st, 2014 by _d2_

yep, it’s time to officially open this! kirin will be shipping off to donn tomorrow for molding and casting, so i’ve decided to open up the preorder early.

so first up – the important details.

1) preorder period is open from SEPTEMBER 1ST through SEPTEMBER 15TH midnight, OR until 10 dolls are reached (so if i get 10 orders for dolls in 2 days, i’ll close early)

this is just to keep things manageable for myself, and if she sells really well i do plan on then offering more preorders in the future.

2) ALL kirin orders will come with nude doll cast in translucent white resin, extra pair of SMALL hands, a slip dress, 8mm eyes, and a faux fur wig. dress, eyes, and wig will all be hand made by me and so some imperfections may be present, but i will do my best to make them as perfect as possible.

buyers can request a specific color eye, and i will do my best to accommodate.


blank doll only – $450 + shipping
doll with face up (natural style) – $480 + shipping
doll with face up (fantasy style) – $500 + shipping
doll with face up and body blushing (natural style) – $510 + shipping
doll with face up and body blushing (fantasy style) – $530 + shipping


**9/3/14 EDIT** you don’t have to order face up/body blushing at the start – if you want to wait for me to get the dolls in hand to do the sample face ups on actual dolls that’s fine ^^ just make a note on your order form.

3) when you make your order, a NONREFUNDABLE deposit of $150 is due now – this covers the cost of having the doll cast in resin. the remaining balance will be due when the dolls are ready to ship.

4) the dolls will take approximately 2 to 3 months to make – i will make sure everyone stays updated for any delays or if the dolls arrive early.

5) please send orders to INFO @ CIRQUEDEFANTOMES.COM and include the following info -

a) name
b) address
c) order details
d) paypal email

6) once i receive your order info i will send you a paypal invoice for the down payment. if you have any questions, please send them to info @


now for some personal info about kirin.

height : approx. 43cm tall (will get exact height when she is cast in resin in case there are differences between the resin and the premier original)
eyes : 8mm
wig : 5-6 inch wig
shoes : she fits in GENE sized high heels.

i will try to draft some patterns shortly after i receive the resin casts – these patterns will be available for free download. (just don’t expect these to fit any other doll since kirin has very unique measurements ~_^ )

and i have a last set of pictures for now – her she is in her glorious patchy primer (primed then sanded her) – she has newly designed arms as well as two sets of hands.

her small hands – these are designed to still be elegant, but easier to pull clothes on over.

and some obligatory unflattering shots of all her parts.


i've been drawing for as long as i could hold a pencil and art became my first language. though i've only been sculpting since 2007, i fell in love with the idea of being able to bring my drawings to life. i am heavily inspired by medieval macabre artwork, japanese yokai, and oddly enough, sherlock holmes. currently i'm living just south of beautiful portland oregon ^^